When you try too hard and get sick of yourself

It sounds funny to word it that way I suppose but that’s what happened and why I’ve had a lull in writing.

I was trying to just write about my spiritual side and that’s so damn hard. That’s just one thing and while it can be vast in the topics I enjoy and such…it’s just not *me*. That’s not all of who I am, not even close.

I am not all that airy fairy and am quite filled with dark humor, nerdy technical stuff (I’m trying to learn SQL next. How spiritual is that?) and I felt like I can’t even talk about what I want to on my own site and blog.

How dumb is that? I was stifling myself and then realize that’s probably more common than most of us realize. I tried to box myself into one neat little package and I really ought to know better by now. Really.

I prefer to think of myself as a kinda weird badass mermaid out of water type, really. So here is a toast to letting out all of my sides in one place and not focusing on anything but whatever needs to be said.

That said, I do have some really exciting news that I can’t tell everyone/many people yet. I can’t believe it happened and sorta didn’t expect it. Life is funny like that, when you stop trying and just ‘be’, the coolest things happen.

At work I learned Financial Audit, they were low on auditors and we do some audit. I was deciphering sql code and backend code for reports that financial decisions are based upon. Then trying to prove how they are relevant and accurate. Math? Me? Not so tough after all and I quite enjoyed it.

It is a whole new way of thinking that in tech troubleshooting that I was not exposed to. It’s more “if this doesn’t work try that, then that, then this.”

This is like “How do I even *think* through this to figure out how to prove out that it’s accurate?” Fun. Then I’d go home each Tuesday and go to clairvoyant class, it’s like both sides of my worlds got to collide, love it.

Although that project is just now ending and so did clairvoyance class and I’m onto learning new stuff. Woohoo!