My journey with femininity or how the heck I learned to be a woman

My journey really began when I was sick of feeling this hole in my life. I knew something was missing but didn’t know what and I was tired of feeling bad about myself.

I was tired of not knowing where the heck to go, what direction I was taking and felt like I was trying a little bit of everything and spinning my wheels.

It felt like no matter what goal I achieved, I still felt very alone.

 Then I discovered Louise Hay’s “Heal your life” book but more importantly, her workbook. After many tears and much self-discovery and learning to love myself, that was a good start but it just wasn’t the total picture.

I could say the mantras, I could look in the mirror and say “Anne I love you, I’m proud of you.”

I had stopped my negative self-talk a lot and improved but *something still felt like it was missing*.

I read a feminine divine book (Cynthia Ocelli’s), I took all the wonderful courses by Rori Raye for getting and keeping men by being a feminine woman. I learned how to even be a woman.  Then I read Christian Carter’s book “Catch him and keep him”.

I realized that not only was I out of touch with my femininity, I ever only felt brief glimpses of it at all! I felt like I had some serious intimacy issues but there was no course for women with this problem!

Women are trained as if the only way to be powerful in this world is to act like an aggressive man-child.

Which isn’t even true masculinity, it’s a warped version of it. True masculine men are protective, supportive and strong.

There is far too little about the power of the feminine, soft, sexy nurturing side of women. Even the most powerful man in the world is putty in the hands of a woman deeply in touch with her feminine power.

Not the screaming protest power, that’s warped masculine energy, but true authentic deep feminine power. It makes me wonder about the gender confusion. Do many even know what it really means to be a man, or to be a woman?

I love working, I love going into a job and feeling important and like I matter. I didn’t feel that way being a stay at home mom.

I felt like a slave and isolated and that’s because I was!

I tried mommy groups and when they started talking about wallpaper decorations I just wanted to puke. I didn’t belong in that world totally either but I kept trying anyway.

That’s when it really hit home, mostly women in the past were in tribes, raising babies and trading childcare all day. We are missing that but there are pros and cons to that also, so it’s not the full solution either.

How do we keep our life exciting? I mean how do we feel on fire and passionate? I learned since I was single, then a wife, then a mother, then a single mother, then divorced, then a divorced mother.

I’ve been in all those roles and the one common thread was that I wasn’t tapped into MY PASSION.

How the hell do you then figure out what your passion is?

There are so many books trying to give you some system for how to figure it out.

They are basically telling you what they did to make it happen for themselves. Well, that’s all anyone can really do I suppose, right?

The thing is, it’s really up to you. I believe many books and courses are based on the notion that they don’t give it all away, not really.

That way you have to keep coming back and buying their stuff.

It made me mad really, honestly, all you need to do is to be in touch with yourself. Once you learn that, some tips help, but largely, you don’t need me, you need you.

The catalyst that speaks to you is what matters most. It’s the person that explains something in a way you can hear it.

I believe all teachers are equally valid and there are just as many different teachers as there are students. It’s needed. That’s why what you want to do has a place in the world.

I may say something one way and it totally resonates with 100 people or a million, but there are 7 billion people in the world.

We may not all be special snowflakes but do have different ways of learning, seeing the world and our messages all matter.

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