What I read at my brother’s funeral

What I read at my brother’s funeral while I stood at the podium.

I started to say this one part below and some flowers on a pedestal fell off hard and hit the floor..nearly flew off.. and out of my mouth I heard myself saying automatically “Well..I guess he didn’t want me to talk about Barbie.”

To make it clear before I type this part, my brother didn’t play with Barbies, he played ‘nice G.I. Joe’ while I played with Barbie. We mixed them together , separate but equal.

‘As kids, my older brother didn’t want to play “nice” G.I. Joe or add Barbie to the mix. My little brother did. Sometimes we would play that nearly all day, only stopping to eat.

All day making up stories, he was so creative. When I took up painting to heal during a rough time in my life, he said a few things I’ll never forget.

“I saw your paintings and was surprised how good they are. Well.. I didn’t mean I thought they’d suck but.. surprised me.” He stumbled on his words like it was important that he didn’t offend me. Which made me feel really good knowing he was that sincere.

“I don’t know if I could ever do that.” He said. I asked.. do what? That I do abstract, I just paint. He searched for the words and I realized ..oh.. and asked “Do you mean..let go, like that?”.

“Yeah.” He answered quietly.. “How do you let go..?” I said at first I had to make myself. Then it came more naturally, besides.. I didn’t care if it sucked as I just do it for me.

He seemed to take that in. There are some things that are harder and easier to let go of. We accept and let go of the easy times and not always the tough times.

They both should have equal value because both are part of life and beyond.

I love my little brother so much, he will always be with us.

Whenever I see someone fishing. Whenever we make some silly joke he’d love or morbid ones. Whenever I see someone chatting and laughing with people at a garage sale. Whenever I see lawn guys. Whenever I see Barbies and G.I. Joes.

Whenever I see his family, my family and his children, I’ll remember he’s still around.  <3